My prized “material” possessions include a collection of over 500 books, 300 dvds, an iMac, a DSLR camera, and a cereal bowl. I only get upset when people touch my cereal bowl.
I have a “man-crush” on Michael Fassbender. If he had Ray Lamontagne’s voice I’d probably be gay.
I once fought a swarm of bees for over an hour. when I was done, I had no shirt, a swollen lip, and a cut on my hand. Turns out when you spray bees with water, they don’t die; they just get really, really pissed.
I absolutely LOVE people, but not in loud obnoxious settings. Label me old-fashioned, but I much prefer a late-night conversation at Denny’s, over boobs & beer pong at a frat party.
After one of his concerts, Common told me I was “fly.” I replied saying, “No, I’m just Uncommon.”
In third grade, all my classmates wanted to be firefighters, astronauts, doctors, and policemen. I wanted to be a zoo keeper.
I’m related to a former president of the Philippines.
Whenever I come home late from work and I see a bunch of snails outside, I run into the kitchen and grab a cup of salt.
I once shot my brother in his forearm. I was aiming for his face, but he covered it with his arms. After I shot him, I ran up to him, hugged him, and screamed, “I love you! Don’t tell mom!”
I don’t have any childhood friends. All my closest friends came after 2001.
My little nieces and nephews just learned how to say the word, “penis.” You’re welcome, America.
When I was a kid, I inhaled pepper through my nose because I thought it would make me sneeze (just like the cartoons). Instead, my nose bled for two hours.
My brother and I used to have a booger collection on our bedroom wall growing up. Every morning I would gently brush my fingertips over each booger and stand in awe of how hard they had become.
A few years ago, I saw a dog get hit by a car during rush hour. I pulled over, stopped traffic, ran into the middle of the road, and brought it home. I cleaned it, fed it, and let it fall asleep on my lap while sitting on the kitchen floor. The next day it ran away. Sometimes, I miss that dog.
The way I cope with heartbreak is I face it. When a woman breaks my heart, I don’t run away and start hating them. Instead, I continue to befriend them and their stupid, ugly boyfriends. I do this because I don’t like the idea of having to avoid ANYTHING that reminds me of someone. That’s not freedom, that’s slavery.
Whenever I can afford it, I buy iPods for my friends and fill ‘em up with cool playlists, videos, and podcasts. It’s not as awesome as an old school mixtape, but it’ll suffice.
Most of my friends think I’m a “genius,” but the fact of the matter is I force myself to read and re-read books until I finally “get it.” In reality, I’m such a slow learner that I once had to retake a class five times.
My Corgi’s name is Prince William Wennington IV. When my mom asked why I chose such a fancy name, I replied, “If that bastard is gonna cost me a month’s salary, he sure as hell better sound expensive.”
I once did a somersault dive off a ledge into an ice cold river, while dressed up as a lion. After I caught my breath and the pain began to settle in, I realized I was an idiot.
If you’re a guy and you’ve been to my apartment, you’ve probably seen me do pushups in my underwear.
My three-year-old goddaughter once drew a mustache on her face (using a marker) and stuffed her poop into a hole in the wall. Her aunt says she’s ‘just like me.’
If I could read just one author for the rest of my life, it’d be Philip Yancey.
My one guilty pleasure is Hannah Montana. I can’t get enough of Miley Cyrus and her rugged, manly voice.
I personally believe a woman is at her most beautiful when she’s wearing sweats and has no makeup. Truth is, I’d take a dorky chick with a witty sense of humor (e.g. Pam from The Office) over a hot supermodel ANY day of the week.
The “best man” at my wedding will be my best friend Jodie. In order to remain traditional, she will be wearing a fake mustache.